dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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