im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
