do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
