My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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