he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
