Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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