It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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