i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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