eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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