It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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