Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
