I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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