You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
