Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
