I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
