one word: firstdatebathroomanal
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
