I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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