I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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