The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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