The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
