when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
