Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
