Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
did i walk over a car last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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