Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
