I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
