You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
