I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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