Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
