That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there's paper in my vomit.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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