Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize