Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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