He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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