Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
