some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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