would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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