I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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