She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
