I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
