the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
