we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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