I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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