That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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