also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
