i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
