Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
