Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
