I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
