Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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