Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
