we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
