wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Found your dick twin last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize