Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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