Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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