I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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