Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You ate ashes out of my bong
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
