i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
