Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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