Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
