he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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