my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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