I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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