Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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